Unmailed Letter From Hladini to Srila Prabhupada


This is a letter to Srila Prabhupada, written by Hladini d.d. but never mailed…

Now some time after Mother Hladini left this planet, Vahna, her husband, found this 2 page, hand written letter among other things that he’d kept, like photos , etc.

Vahna has allowed me to copy it and just now Mother Ruparamesvari has typed it up so that it could be sent out.

(reflecting what a great personality she is…)

Dearest Srila Prabhupada,

I beg You, please accept my most humble obeisances at Your Divine Lotus Feet.

I have; after receiving so much mercy, after being rescued from the empty cold platform of material existence, fallen prey to the overpowering illusion that I can enjoy. It’s as if I’ve forgotten everything, a cloud of insanity-“My turn, Krsna.” It breeds from a platform of comfort. Sudama Brahmin could be comfortable and not wish to dethrone the king.

I can’t stand this consciousness. Srila Prabhupada, I want to be a servant-a good one- unconscious of me. Srila Prabhupada I’ve neglected my medicine haphazardly (obviously) thinking- I needed it no more-“How healthy I am-I can relax”. Now I am raging with fever-Embarassed to come back to the doctor due to my disregard for his selfless help.

Please Srila Prabhupada, help me become a serious disciple. Help me go back to a life of austerity, a life of remembering my service I’ve forgotten due to this impure desire. Please let it be gone.

Every second there is a choice: “Which energy do you want????” Maya is so quick to satisfy, but so quick to burn You are not cheap-but how much it is so worth it? Why am I so foolish-stubborn, stupid. Let me hear what You’re saying. Let me follow cent-per-cent. You’ve given me everything- You are my true father. My true deliverer-my greatest friend.

Dear Srila Prabhupada I am the greatest rascal, I only want to become a pure servant. Please don’t kick me away, but give me another chance. I’ll try so hard to be good.

Oct. 13th is Kartika. The gopis worshiped Durga for Krsna as their husband. They ate rice and moong bearns and prayed everyday for a month. Everything I do is motivated, but Prabhupada let me try to offer this austerity to try and gain control of these raging senses. Dear Prabhupada-all I want is Krsna-Please guide me on the right path-I have no desire on my own. You are my strength, my desire.

The road is there straight & clearly marked-though the detours seem easier and more pleasurable- keep my intelligence firm-Thank You. I have this immense loving propensity; let me repose it at Your divine feet.

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Reader Comments

Dear Prabhus. Please accept my humble obeisances all glories to Srila Prabhupada. Very nice letter by Mother Hladini. I have read The Legacy Of Love book three times and am doing research for more detail about her life. I will be glad to keep you posted. I am trying to encourage as many devotees as possible as well as those in the film and movie business to read the book and consider a screen play. I am researching and studying how to write a screen play and am in touch with the authours who are as well interested in the making of a film or major motion picture. If you can get a CD copy of the book or more paper back copies into the hands of those in the entertainment business please do so.

Thankyou for your time. Keep up this nice service to Srila Prabhupada. YS Hasti Gopala Dasa

It is so nice hearing more and more from and about Hladini prabhu. Please share more of this nectar. I hope & pray you are successful in writing a successful screenplay of her life! It would be such powerful preaching!
YS Cintamani dhama dasi

Hladini wrote several such letters to Srila Prabhupad that she did not intend to mail.
It was a way to reach out to Srila Prabhupada when the heart felt especially strong need of Him. I think many sincere devotees did/and do that. It helps to clarify the perhaps confusing issues swirling in a devotee’s life and renew their appreciation, devotion, dedication and loving committement to their spiritual father.
Sometimes in our talks, I would play a sort of Devil’s Advocate role in order to bring out the expression of her service and devotion. Once I asked Hladini how she could be so sure Krsna Consciousness was the best and right path for her. The part of her answer I can remember most is that she said she was always praying that all she wanted was to love God fully and to be on the path that would lead her to that. She was completely confident, since that was her only desire, she would achieve that end on the path laid out for her–devotional service.

Dear Prabhus. Pranams!
I would like to suggest that the Legacy Of Love A Servants Quest be posted as an e-book on your web site. As it is 198 pages it may be too large for one posting. Perhaps several postings listed as parts one,two etc. may be possible. This way more and more devotees and others searching for Krsna may read this book and become inspired to become Krishna conscious. I can supply you with a free cd copy of the book if you’d like. I can get you in touch with the authors in a private contact bettween us. They too have the book on cd and may be agreeable to having the book on your nice web site. Until later.

YS Hasti Gopala Dasa

Hare Krishna! Please accept my humble obeisances to all devotees and Srila Prabhupada! My first visit to New Vrindavan was in 1976. There for the first time I entered the temple and sat on the floor at Bahulavan. I saw a beautiful girl doing arati for the deities and I always wondered what her name was. I am sure that was Hladini and the story of her dedication, love for God and concern for others even to the point of threatening her own safety is amazing. Srila Prabhupada showed that kind of spirit as he set sail under conditions not favorable for a visit to a country he had no idea about. How he would be treated he did not know, or thought of, yet he came and benefited us all. Mother Hladini was clearly so absorbed in Krishna and doing good that she exemplified that spirit that Srila Prabhupada had so much of. I can only write words that mean nothing in comparison to how I feel or how we all should be inspired and love her and her devotion which still continues to this day. She is inspirational both here and where she is now with Lord Krisha. Her service, her life, and her love will continue forever just as her soul will continue and never cease to exist. Jai Mother Hladini! She is missed greatly by many devotees. Hare Krishna! Your other ever well wisher, Dharmaksetra das